Title: Oh, bother..
Author: ohshutuptina
Pairing: Phan
Rating: this phanfiction sucks I don't really know why you read it but anyway
Author's Note: While you read, listen to this song: http://youtu.be/6Pi9xgOXvTs


You know what it's like, when you feel sad and you don't want to talk to anyone? Because you're sick of all the fake "everything will be better" dialogues and because you know that no one actually gives a shit about it? Well, that's how I feel now. I feel empty. I feel like my life has no purpose. And even if I wanted to, I couldn't talk about this with anyone. I'm surrounded by people, but I can't help but feel alone. I have friends, and I have a lovely boyfriend, but I feel like this torture can't be shared with anyone. I don't know what to do, but I know that I'm not happy. I'm going insane here, I don't feel free, I feel suffocated. Everything seems far away, like I can't reach my dreams, like I'm constantly holding my breath. Everything was alright after Christmas, but then exams started. I know, it sounds childish, but I really don't care anymore. About anything. Anything but Phil. I feel like there's a hole in my chest, I feel like he stole the only thing that was keeping me alive, and I now live in constant fear, because I don't wanna lose him. If I lose him, I lose everything. But I can't take it anymore, I can't stay here. I can't go crazy. I don't wanna stay awake every night thinking about death. I need to find a way out of this.

I knocked on Phil's door, and he opened it 30 seconds later.
Silence.
"Dan..?"
I looked him in the eyes.
"Why are you crying?"
I started sobbing really hard, and I hugged him.
"I can't--" I paused to breathe. "I can't do this anymore"
Phil hugged me stronger.
"What are you talking about??" his heartbeats were getting faster.
"I want to leave university"
Phil didn't say a word. He was just hugging me, breathing in my neck, while his heartbeats were going mental.

After I calmed down, we sat in his bed.
"I don't care anymore. University sucks. Lessons suck, teachers suck, classmates suck... apart from Chiara, obviously. I'm gonna miss her."
Phil was there, looking at the floor, without saying a word.
"P-please Phil.. say something." I said, still sobbing a bit.
"What do you want me to say?" he murmured.
"Anything...please"
"Dan.." he looked me in the eyes. "Dan, I love you." he whispered.
Now I was the one in silence.
"I want you to be happy, and if you think you're gonna be happy by leaving university, then fine...leave. I just love you so much, and the fact that I won't see you around every day it breaks my heart."
"I can come and visit you"
"Dan you live in the south of England, I'll be here in Manchester."
I started crying again.
"Please Dan don't cry, I can't see you cry"
Phil grabbed my hand, and then kissed me softly on my lips.
"Oh bother..." I whispered. Phil giggled a little.
"What am I going to do without the human embodiment of Winnie the Pooh?"
I smiled a little.

Somehow, I stopped sobbing. I spent the night with Phil, cuddling in bed, feeling his breath in my cheeks, kissing him slowly and looking at his amazing blue eyes.
Phil fell asleep before me, and I started thinking about the whole thing, again.
The sad part was that..I couldn't change my mind. I was sick of university. I failed three exams, and I didn't go to any lessons in the last week. Walking inside of classrooms made me feel nervous. The tanned guy was bullying me every day, every second that I was near him. And the worst part was that the teacher didn't stop him. Even the teacher was bullying me. I couldn't go to the bar without being called "emo fag" at least six times. Some people threw rocks at me. Rocks.
I decided to go to university because I thought it would have been a great experience, but it turned out to be awful. I don't even want to become a lawyer, the stuff they teach us here is boring as fuck. Can you imagine me as a lawyer? I don't think so.
I don't have good reasons to stay here.
The only reason why I would want to stay here, is Phil.
But I can't.
And it breaks my heart.

The next morning, Phil woke me up with a kiss.
"Hey" he whispered, slowly kissing me on my cheek, then on my neck, then going lower and lower.
"Hey" I replied, grabbing his face with my hands and giving him a passionate kiss.
"What day is it?" I murmured.
"Tuesday... are you feeling better today?"
"Yes" I smiled to him.
"Have you...changed your mind?"
"No" I sighed.
"I understand."


That afternoon I called my mom, I said her everything, and we organised my return home. The day after that, I told everyone that I was leaving. And by "everyone" I mean Kyle and Chiara.

"Life sucks man" Kyle said.
"Yeah.. I know Kyle"
"Damn...I'm gonna miss you. Holy cow George, you're a cool guy."
"Thanks man"
"Wait" he grabbed his coat and reached for something in his pocket. "Take this"
"Uhm.. what is it?"
"Magic stuff dude hehehe"
"Jesus Christ Kyle, I don't need this stuff, what the hell..?!? ...I mean...thank you, but no"
"Whatever buddy" he said giving me a hug. A weird hug.

"Seriously??" Chiara asked me.
"Yeah..."
"Oh Dan.. I'm really sorry. I'm gonna miss you so much!" she hugged me, and started crying a little.
"Please don't cry" I murmured.
"I just have a lot of feelings" she said sobbing.


My train was today. I woke up confused, in Phil's bed. We stayed in bed for at least half an hour, in silence, that morning.
"Dan..."
"yes?"
"Are you breaking up with me?"
"No. Are you breaking up with me?"
"No."
"Good." I looked him in the eyes.
"You make me happy Dan. I don't wanna lose you."
"Even if we're apart, I'll always be with you"
"You just can't stop quoting Winnie the Pooh, uh?" we both giggled a bit.
Phil put his hand in my chest, he could hear my heartbeats going insane.
"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I will stay there forever."